


Weed-B-Gone

by Kanuvina



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Catwoman (Comics), Gotham City Sirens (Comics)
Genre: Arkham Asylum, Gen, Gotham City Sirens, Harley x Ivy, If You Squint - Freeform, jail break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 11:25:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanuvina/pseuds/Kanuvina
Summary: Ivy's back in Arkham, and it's up to Selina and Harley to get her out.





	Weed-B-Gone

“Okay, run this by me one more time. What happened to Ivy?” Selina asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. Harley was talking a mile a minute and it was giving her a headache.

Harley took an exaggerated deep breath. “We were doin’ a lil Christmas shoppin’, ya know…”

“Right, so you were robbing a store,” Selina clarified. “And it went sideways?”

“Yea,” Harley replied, her features tense with concern. “We musta been makin’ lotsa noise, ‘cause the GCPD showed up outta the blue. They had this spray… I dunno, it all happened so fast. Anyway, we gotta bust Red out - ya know she gets real kookoo for cocoa puffs if she’s in there too long.”

Selina groaned. Kookoo was an understatement. The longer Ivy stayed in Arkham, the more unhinged and aggressive she became, and that was a Poison Ivy nobody wanted to deal with. Anyway, they’d formed a tenuous alliance - they might even call it a friendship, at this point - and Selina knew Ivy would do the same for her.

“Alright, alright. Go suit up and bring that big hammer of yours.”

Harley grinned and squealed, heedless of the red lipstick that was smudged on her upper teeth. “Gotham City Sirens, back at it again!”

^v^

Selina and Harley squatted down as low as they could on the roof of the Arkham Asylum greenhouse. From their vantage, they could see everything inside; the ceiling glass was much cleaner than the gunked up panes on the sides. The greenhouse was massive, with twenty-foot ceilings and a broken three-tiered fountain in the center of the room. Stagnant, murky water pooled in its basins, and weeds poked through the cracks in the stone. The entire place was overgrown and choking with thick vines, but all the vines were gray and leafless.

They’d managed to avoid all the guards on their way here. It was a miracle - Harley was not stealthy, and getting her to sidestep guards instead of bashing their heads in was a feat unto itself. They’d both escaped Arkham enough times to know it was best to change up the plan every time. Maybe use a decoy, like releasing Killer Croc into genpop. Or flirt with a guard or doctor - that had worked for the Joker on Harley, now that Selina thought about it - and either steal a key or get smuggled out with the laundry.

This time, they were just going to smash and grab, or so they’d thought.

“See? Red’s actin’ funny,” Harley whispered. “Musta been that spray the cops used on her.”

Selina could see what Harley meant. Ivy was curled up on her side in the center of the greenhouse, against the fountain. This all seemed out of the ordinary. The greenhouse should have been teeming with all sorts of flora from Ivy’s influence, but everything was dead.

“Right,” Selina finally agreed. She saw everything she needed to. She flexed her fingers and spring-coiled, razor-sharp claws emerged from her gloves. She pressed one claw against a nearby pane of glass and traced the outline, cutting them an impromptu entrance.

Selina was about to unlatch her whip from her belt when she heard a loud “Okay, I’m goin’ in!” from behind her and a red and black blur fly past her and down through the glass. She cursed. Harley was insane, but she didn’t think she was _that_ insane. She watched as Harley landed, graceless but feet-first, a few feet from Ivy’s prone form. Selina shrugged and leapt down, as well. She wasn’t about to get out-catted by a clown.

While Selina scoped out the place for any guards that might’ve seen them, Harley crawled towards Ivy.

“Hey, Red? Wake up, honey, we gotta blow this popsicle stand.” Harley continued to poke and nudge Ivy, but she got nothing but a few low groans. “Are ya dyin’ on me, Red?”

Ivy groaned again and opened her eyes slowly. “No, don’t worry. I’m alive… I can tell because of the pain. I just… can’t…” She didn’t finish the sentence. Ivy closed her eyes.

The guards were posted at the front and back entrances of the greenhouse, as Selina expected. They lounged in folding chairs. One was even taking a nap. They seemed too comfortable for less than a handful of rent-a-cops guarding one of the most dangerous people in Gotham.

Selina turned around just in time to see Harley hoist Ivy over her shoulder like she was a quarter-full sack of potatoes.

“Well, Red’s snoozin’, so I guess I’m carryin’ her outta here,” Harley explained. She glanced over at Ivy’s derriere next to her face and cackled. “Someone needs to lay off the Miracle-Gro.”

Selina smirked at that. “Okay, do we want to get out quick and dirty, or slow and safely?”

She knew the answer even before Harley pulled her gargantuan hammer off her back and bolted for the back entrance. Selina lagged behind to take a look around, confident that Harley could hold her own against a few lazy guards. Her curiosity was piqued - what was powerful enough to knock Ivy out? She was immune to poisons, and most toxins didn’t affect her this much. Selina wondered if maybe there were some clues lying around.

Pushing past some dead shrubbery revealed a small aluminum canister, the size of a hairspray can. Selina found several of them hidden among the foliage and debris in the greenhouse. Ignoring the sounds of crashing, banging, and grown men screaming, Selina pocketed a canister and made her swift and silent retreat. She climbed up the latticework and out the same way she entered. On the roof, she retrieved the canister and scrutinized the label.

The writing was tiny, barely legible with the naked eye, but the company logo was clear as day.

Wayne Enterprises.

Selina narrowed her eyes and tucked the canister back into her belt pouch. She knew exactly where she needed to go as she leapt from the roof of the greenhouse.

^v^

Selina hung back in the shadows behind the bat signal, waiting for Batman and Commissioner Gordon to finish their little chat about Gotham crime. She rolled her eyes, unimpressed by it all. Some usual suspect doing some usual crime, _blah blah blah_. It was all so dramatic and farcical.

Batman made his sweeping exit, gliding away on his little grapple contraption. Catwoman smirked as she thought about the one she’d stolen from him years ago. She still had it, somewhere, in her messy apartment. She followed after him.

She knew he was aware of her presence since the bat signal, that he was leading her to some secluded rooftop to either talk or fight. Or do _other_ things. Selina wasn’t in the mood for those sorts of things tonight, though. She was pissed off, and Bruce just might get the claws.

Batman landed lightly and turned. “Selina.”

Selina offered no greeting in return, except to toss the canister at him. He caught it deftly, his reflexes grudgingly impressing her. He looked it over, but said nothing.

“What is that stuff, and why’s it making Ivy a vegetable?” Selina wasn’t in the mood to even smirk at her own unintentional pun.

Batman did. It was a small thing - barely a lip twitch - but it was there. “It’s a modified herbicide,” he answered flatly.

Selina balled her hands into fists at her sides, trying to keep herself from clawing his damn eyes out. “You’re trying to kill Ivy? Since when does the Bat murder people, huh?”

“Who said anything about killing? I said it was modified.”

“Herbicides kill plants,” Selina shot back defensively. “Anyway, how do I detox her?”

Batman shrugged. “It will wear off soon. It’s not meant to do any permanent damage, just keep _her_ from doing permanent damage.”

“Whatever.” Selina turned her back to him, ready to leave.

“So you’re back to working with Harleen and Pamela?” There was no disappointment, or anger, or much of anything in his voice. Just a straight question.

“Maybe,” she said, side-eyeing him.

Batman and Selina exchanged no other words as she lashed her whip to the head of a nearby gargoyle and disappeared into the night.


End file.
